S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES®

so yesturday was not the best day. i was supposed to go to a friends house but i coulndt go because my sister didnt want to. so pretty much my life is if my sister doesnt want to go or do it i cant . its like i cant pee with out being there. i was talking to my mom bout collage and how i want to own my own bakery i lvoe to bake and she said you might eat all of your stuff and your not total thin. i thought i was  i mean i weigh 118 didnt think that was bad but i guess it is so i never really tried to throw up i mean i tried 2-3 times in the past but she just mad me feel discusted with my body and it was like well i have to get rid of it now. 

kim

S.A.F.E. Focus™  Would you like to start a self help group for Self Injury?  S.A.F.E. Focus™ is a voluntary support group which utilizes guidelines developed by the S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES® Program.   Follow the links to learn about Leader and Participant manuals.  Also coming soon, School Manuals to assist school personnel in working with students who are self injuring.

For the pass 5 days I have been wanting to kill myself.  I figure that the whole world is against me having anything good going.  I told my therapist that I figure if I cut deep enough I’ll mess up in a big way.  Today I’m still feeling like the whole world is against me and anyway who would care.  I plan on going to the S.A.F.E. program, but I’m a little bit nervous because after all this time I’m still having a hard time figuring out who I am and where I belong.  If there is anyone out there who could give me some sort of insight as too what do with all these racy thoughts and bottled up feeling give me an e-mail at denny666@verizon.net.

Man, I hate preppy people, they’ll so evil, they don’t try to understand “emo’s” so they just make fun of us. I’ve never done anything to them so why are they so mean.

Yesterday I was in my school library and I was looking up self-injury, the teacher saw and he asked what I was looking at, I closed it and said “nothing!” After he yelled at me everyone saw and started saying “ewww!” and laughing at me.

After the bell rang I just wanted to get out of there but Jessica stopped me and said “don’t let them be ass holes to you” I justed smiled and started walking away, then she said “HEY! you’re ok”. It made me feel better but i still walked out the library with tears in my eyes.

ok so im 14 and i’ve been cutting since maybe 11.my last cut was last night but i was good for 3 months i was soo proud of myself .then my family just made me feel like i was wrong again and it sucked .i mean i love them but i hate keeping secrets.i’m bi and i cant tell them because they are soo against anyone who is not straight. so i have cuts on my arm and my mom saw but i just told her that it was my new puppy ,she believed me .i mean when they fisrt found out that i did cut they yelled and tried to kick me out of the house i thought that they would want to help me because i know that i need hel[ i know that wat i am doing is not healthy .  but i cant tell them that i need help because they will blame it on me and i will cut again . i told them ive stoped cutting but they dont noe that i just learned how to hide it better . if anyone has advice for me i am always up to listen

kim , it just feels soo good

Hey everyone,

In one of my classes we are getting the chance to do a project on anything of our choice, and I chose to do mine on Self Injury, because as a former self injurer, I really wanted to take this chance to give my class a bit of a glimpse of the world few of them dont even know exists, much less undersatand.

And I need your help. (whether you dont cut, used to cut, or currently cut)
All I need for you to do is answer some questions.
Its completely anonymous, but will take a little time and thought.

Also, if anyone is willing, I would really like to have a couple of people who are willing to go a little bit deeper, share a little more..

If you are willing to send poems, songs, pictures of scars/injuries, drawings, anything that you have written about/during cutting, or are willing to ‘write down your story,’ for me that would be especially awesome. I will give you as much or as little recognition as you want, but the project isnt going past my high school class room.

If you’re willing to help, email me at emily@thinkon.us

:]
thanks guys!

love is the movement!

Emily M

I have gotten to the point where i dont feel comfortable around some of my “best friends” anymore. i feel so aquward around them. my mom is driving me to the point of hurting myself really bad and its becoming something that is making me phsycally and emotionally tired. im so sick of them judging me.

They ALWAYS want to talk about it and to me it makes it worse cuz they act like there so much better then me and that they actually know what im talking about when they dont! thats what pisses me off but its nice that they dont care that im BI…ya im BI get over it!! but im not “into” my friends in that way ya know. like, i understand that there worried about me but they need to respect that fact that i dont want to talk about it what them and they just need to drop it. my family is driving me to the point where i just want to runaway. im so sick of them that i dont call them mom and dad anymore, i just call them by there first names. i guess i resent my mom for not geing the strong person she is a devorce my lazy ass dad before he can hurt us anymore. he deserves to be alone. he need a woman that needs to ask permition to wipe her ass. come one ladies…have more respect. i need help and i need it now. please =,( email me

Jessiegirl135@yahoo.com

Hey peeps- 

I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to stop, it’s so hard. I’m not really trying though, I need to cut to live. I know that sounds crazy but I need to, if I don’t I go crazy!!!

I’m now going back out with my girlfriend Rebecca, like I said, I’m bi. GET OVER IT!!! The only thing that sucks about it is that I can’t see her during the school day because she got held back and she’ll be a freshmen next year. I’m going to R.G. Drage Carrer Center next year so I will only get to see her before and after school, I miss her already.

Well, I really hope ya’ll are doing ok.

-Love ya lots, Caitlin

Looking to the sky
Hoping, dreaming for a solution
Trying not to cry
Holding on to you, clinging to hope
Searching for all these years
Hiding all the tears
Scratching to relieve the pain
Standing, crying in the rain
Wanting badly to be free
Holding onto it tightly
Looking at myself
In the mirror
Trying not to cry
Staring at the awful sight
Tearing at my skin
Trying to get in
Loosing myself
Oh so slowly
Searching for myself
In the darkest places
Looking at all the faces
Cutting through the days
Walking in a haze
Not knowing where to go
Running from who I was
Lying on the floor
Crying out for help
Arms and legs are sore
Lying here I melt
I fade away
Looking into the sky

i wrote this today at school First  hour

~d

Hey, i’m back, i’m kinda of addicted to this site :] i have no idea why though, it might be because i meet other people that SI and i don’t feel so alone. I just resently stopped cutting for five months but i just blew all the prgress in the past three days. I beginning to think I’ll never be able to stop for good :[ It’s so hard and quite frankly I’m tired of trying and i wanna keep cutting because it feels so good. I do realise it’s bad for me but i have no other way to deal with all the crazy stuff that goes on in my life. I do write poems when I’m feeling stressed but cutting seems to work the best for me. I found out about cutting for a TV show called Degrassi, a character named Elli and she cut herself so i thought, hmmm maybe that’ll work for me, and it DID!

blah! that’s all i ever hear anymore. wtf! who the hell is she to come into y life and get in my face like this? “if you never wanted to see me again why didn’t you just say so?” believe me, i told you! i told you over and over again to let it go. i’ve let you go. i told you the minute i handed you that letter  that that was it, that i was finished with you! that last year of sleepless nights, the drinking, the self-injury. you’re getting married! for christ’s sake! you said that it was the “thrill of the chase,” that nothing would have ever happened between us, that i don’t know what i want. really? then why did you say that night in the rain that if i wasn’t so damn depressed and you weren’t taken you would date me? who are you! i want you out of my life for good. i wish i had never met you! i wish i had never met you. i wish i had never spent those hours in the library talking to you, that i never spent those nights walking around the campus, or gone to wal-mart for a late night food run. i hate you! when i die, don’t come to my funeral. don’t waste your tears. i don’t want you anymore. don’t you get that? you say i don’t know what i want. you know what? i hope that when it all goes to hell, i’ll see you walking around, that look in your eye, dull/dead/empty, trying to find something to fill that void in your life, don’t look at me for any sympathy. and lastly, if you ever see me in public, don’t expect for me to act all nice and coy, and expect for me to act like i’ve known you, cause i don’t

I have been cutting for six years now, i stopped resently for five months and on Sunday i blew all that progress. I did it because, i asked my niece if i could borrow her DS and she said… “no, maybe later, it probably need’s charged.” So i went to see if it needed charged and it DIDN’T! I hurt because she lied to me, if she didn’t want me to play it all she had to say was no, she didn’t have to lie to me. Monday i cut because, people were making fun of me, it was some stupid boy as usual. And Tuesday i cut because, i was frusterated about my ex-girlfriend because i still wanna go out with her, yes i’m Bi, get over it. If anyone want’s or needs to talk email me at emo_chick44608@yahoo.com :] 

So, I’m doing this because I want to tell people what I’m going through. Seeing how I don’t know any of you, it makes it that much easier for me to do so. That leads me to saying how I’ve had way too many “true friends” disappoint me in the past two years. I know how unhealthy it is to hold things in but I’m at the point of doing just that. I no longer trust anyone, not even God. The one person I should be trusting. Heck, I don’t even trust myself anymore. I feel as if I’m not worth keeping a secret, and as if I don’t have the potential to meet anyone’s standards. I’m a constant let down, I know it. It shows. Even when it comes to my parents- they don’t hold back. We fight too much. We yell and scream at each other. Everything is falling apart in my family, and it breaks my heart to even think that such a happy and loving family could turn into something so ugly. Yeah so anyways, I KNOW that I disappoint them and that I’m pretty much the biggest screw up in their eyes. I’m not gonna give you my life story in a couple paragraphs, but I’ve now fallen under the category of depression. I was SO good at hiding how I felt. That mask is worn out and fading now. I starve myself for days on end, or atleast until I’m literally being forced to eat.  Being around food makes me feel sick to my stomach. Every time I feel my thighs rub together I get more and more disgusted with myself. I have an addiction like many of you have, which is cutting. I don’t go a day without making gashes on my arm. It’s almost like a routine now, where if I don’t do it I feel guilty. There is not even a quarter of a centimeter of space on my entire fore arm. It is lined up with bloody cuts. I have to live with this. Everyday I sit in class staring at my wrists feeling more and more worthless. I feel stuck, and I want SO badly the strength I used to have. I hate hurting myself like this and I need the hope and faith that I once had back. I can’t do this on my own..

Dear, the people who run this website
 a fue months ago this site was changed and thats fine, but it usedto be that at the top the header had a pictur of both 2 male and 2 feamale people. now its just 2 female, a friend of myn just told me that a fue years ago he had tryed cuting to, and had lied to me when i had preveusly asked him. he sed that he was embarised becouse cuting is vued as something only girls suffer from. I KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE. i told him this and then when i was on this site with him he saw the header and sed see i told you so, even the help sites are geered twords girls. if perhaps you could do something about this or i dont know  i know alot of us feel shame, but if this change could realeve some of his i would apresheat it.

thank you, and stay strong
EB 

OMG.Today has been like the worst day ever.First I just moved like a month and a half ago and my mom is trying to get me to move in like July.Talk about not knowing what to do man.I called my dad and I was teling him how I’m still trying to adjust to where I am and he goes back and tells my mother and she calls me going off and what not.Why does every Tuesday have to be this hard?This is supposed to be my 1 week accomplishment and it still is but……………………………………you know.